11/8/2012 -- Random Thoughts On Starting Over

So it's 1:27 am on 11/8/2012 and I'm up listening to music and thinking about God and Church and life and what I'm suppose to do. I'm thinking too much and sometimes not enough at all. I'm screaming at myself inside for trusting people that I shouldn't. I'm also quieting my soul and trying to remember what it's like to be in the "Be Still and Know Place." Do I remember that place at all? I don't know. I'm different than I used to be. I feel like I've emptied myself of so much hate and control and pressure that I felt from the Christian subculture out of me, but there are times that I question whether I should be so open and honest about how I feel. I'm continually reminded by the Spirit that "they" aren't ready to hear what you have to say, but I don't feel Him saying that I should be quiet and not express my thoughts. There are certain topics that I do feel that He is telling me to be quiet on for this moment in time, but there aren't many of them.

I'm also thinking about how crazy it is that so many people were so upset today about nothing, but a something that wasn't the end of the world, but really a "nothing" that shouldn't change anything any more or less than the "somethings" that happen everyday.

Well... anyways...it's late and I think I'll sleep now. I just think that maybe I need to write more on my blog. I don't really care if people read it or not, but I just want a place to express my pain and thoughts and musings away from the insanity that is social media. I love social sites for what they are, but they really aren't very social. They can be fun and silly and a great distraction, but I sometimes think they can be more...a vehicle for ideas and a way for people to share great ideas to others, but usually they are just a place to share photos of kids...usually dirty food splattered kids and silly cats in clothes and a few interesting rants, but .....it is what it is.

I think I miss music more than anything. I know I'm so going into my loner season. It's the time of the year when I can't help but push everyone away. I'm not upset or depressed or anything, but I just want to be alone. I don't think that's a bad thing. It's good to be alone sometimes. It helps you to clear your head of thoughts that wear you down. It can help you start over. Starting over is a good, scary thing. Well....I hope it is. Just my two cents on it.